That's not roller coaster as in Chessington World of Adventures. Though I do hate them. I've never understood why people pay money to be terrified and made to feel nauseous! I'm clearly not much fun. No, I want to get off the roller coaster of life.
So last Sunday I was deeply moved by God's word in Hosea. Humbled about my own sin and given a glorious joy at His forgiving love for me in Christ. I started the week thinking about Jesus and others.
But by yesterday I was introspective, grumpy, fed up that I had exactly the same problems as last week, and feeling thoroughly sorry for myself.
The weird thing is nothing had changed.
Apart from me that is.
Because in between I'd had Tuesday. And I nailed Tuesday.
I had done more work at my desk that the entire Civil Service pulls off in a day. Then I'd met with some people who were clearly blessed by my presence. And finally I conducted a member's meeting that went down to international acclaim.
I'd pulled off life. Then came yesterday.
The problem is that I'm a lot like God's people, Israel, in the passage I'm preparing for Sunday. In Hosea 7 Israel don't realise how weak they are. The Lord says that they are like an ageing man who doesn't realise he's frail. "His hair is sprinkled with grey, but he does not notice." Hosea 7:9.
This isn't forgetfulness. This is the pride of thinking they're pulling off life without God.
" Israel’s arrogance testifies against him,
but despite all this
he does not return to the Lord his God
or search for him." Hosea 7:10
And that's my problem. In my arrogance I don't turn to the Lord. I begin to believe in my own greatness. So in His kindness the Lord shows me my weakness again. He reminds me that all I have comes from Him. All that I do is done through Him. And therefore all the glory should go to Him.
And admitting weakness is good, because that is when we find strength in Christ. As the Lord said to the apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Come to think of it I asked a friend to pray that I might see my weakness yesterday. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea!